Virtues and Pride
by NecroWrite
Summary: Kanaya Maryam has led a penniless life for nineteen years. When a wealthy young woman takes her in, she doesn't want to ever look back. But can she ever really escape her past?
1. Chapter 1

_**NecroWrite: Commence generic announcement.**_

**DISCLAIMER: I'm only gonna say this once. I DO NOT own Homestuck. That isn't gonna change so I see no point in repeating it every chapter.**

**SHIPS: I won't confirm anything except over PM.**

**RATING: Nope, no public comments. PM me if you have questions.**

**REVIEWS: I will try my hardest to reply to all reviews here before each chapter. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated!**

**LENGTH: Some chapters will be long, some**** longish, s****ome shortish, and some short. It's not consistent; it's completely dependent on inspiration.**

**QUESTIONS: I WILL NOT answer you here! PM me about it.**

**_NecroWrite: Begin story._**

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Life was never easy for Kanaya Maryam. She was born into a family rife with poverty and ill fortune. They could barely afford the poor excuse of an apartment they lived in, and it was located in the filthiest slum in town. It was overrun by drugs, alcohol, and prostitution, which the Maryams were inevitably caught up in. Kanaya's father was a dedicated alcoholic, spending much of the little money he earned on liquor and cigarettes; her mother was bullied into the drug trade and soon became an addict herself; and her sister Porrim was forced to sell herself sexually at the tender age of thirteen to keep the family from eviction. For three years, life for the Maryams continued in this fashion: the father drinking away their few earnings and gambling with IOUs, the mother selling and using the drugs created by high school dropouts in an apartment on the fifth floor, the elder sister crying every day with pain and shame at what she had to do, and the younger sister trying to nurse her family's scars and bruises. It wasn't until that third year after Porrim entered the world of prostitution, when Kanaya was fourteen and her sister sixteen, that things began to spiral completely out of control. The daughters found their mother dead in the bathtub after an overdose, and they couldn't even afford to give her a proper burial; Kanaya and Porrim broke into and illegally "borrowed" shovels from a gardening shack so they could lay their mother to rest in a shallow, unmarked grave. They returned the shovels and soon found that without the money from their mother's involvement with the drug trade, they faced eviction. To make matters worse, their father's mental stability began to deteriorate and he mercilessly beat his daughters, then violated them, blaming them for the misfortune of their family with angry bellows from a mouth that reeked of alcohol. By the time Kanaya was nineteen and Porrim twenty-one, both sisters had learned to hate that stench. For a time they bore it together, but one day Porrim vanished, leaving her sister alone. Matters worsened for Kanaya in terms of rape and abuse, and they were worsened even more when she could smell liquor. Every time the odor reached her, she began to panic, looking for an escape or a weapon. It was a survival tactic. If she avoided the alcohol, she avoided the abuse. Today was no different yet, but it would be. Kanaya had escaped her father's wrath and was now sitting at a bus stop. It was the same bus stop she always ran to. If she had any money, she would have left on the bus long ago, but she hadn't even a penny in the pocket of her weathered jeans. They were faded and worn, riddled with holes covered by patches made of whatever fabric scraps Kanaya could find. Her shirt, equally ratty, hung loosely off of her emaciated frame. Her shoes barely had soles and her hoodie was as tattered as the rest of her wardrobe. She wore no undergarments, which was unsanitary but unavoidable as she had no spare money to buy them with; they were luxuries to her, and she could afford no luxuries whatsoever. Her short black hair, which she cut herself, was ruffled and her bright green eyes were exhausted by the struggles of her life. Those eyes were even more exhausted now. How long had it been since she had eaten? And when had she last slept? She had sprinted to the bus stop and her breathing was labored. She closed her eyes and stood to begin the trek back to the place she was forced to reside in, but blackness overtook her and she collapsed on the sidewalk, consciousness lost before she even hit the ground.

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When Kanaya came to, she didn't recognize anything. She blinked and looked around with tired eyes. Nothing was making sense to her though so she closed them again. Something cold and damp touched her forehead and she flinched, cautiously opening one eye, then the other. Three faces swam above her, then melded into one. It was a young woman. Short blonde hair framed her face. Her eyes were light blue with strange violet flecks, and the expression in them was kind.

"Are you alright?" the woman asked. "Can you hear me?" Kanaya slowly nodded. "Good." The cold was removed from her forehead and Kanaya saw that it was a damp rag. "Can you speak?" Kanaya forced her lips to part.

"Yes," she said in a raspy voice.

"Are you thirsty?" the stranger asked. Kanaya nodded. "Here, I'll help you sit up." The other woman gently pulled Kanaya into a sitting position, holding her there as she shifted the pillows. The stranger helped Kanaya lean back and rest against the pillows, then held up a glass of water with a straw in it. Kanaya tried to take it but found that she was shaking too much so the other woman held it out. Kanaya took a few sips through the straw, then looked up.

"Where am I?" Her voice was stronger now.

"You're at my house. I was on my way home when I saw you at the bus stop. I stopped and tried to wake you but I couldn't. I was worried so I brought you here," the stranger said with a kind smile. "What's your name?"

"Kanaya. Kanaya Maryam," Kanaya said.

"That's an interesting name. I'm Rose Lalonde." Her tone was gentle and pleasant. Kanaya had not known such a tone since Porrim left. "Where are you from? Do you need me to call someone for you?"

"No," Kanaya replied hastily. "I...I don't have anywhere to go back to. Or anyone."

"You lived back in that slum, didn't you?" Rose asked quietly. Kanaya bit her lip and nodded. "Hm. Well, I'm certainly not taking you back there. That leaves us with very few plausible options. The one that seems most logical to me is one that may seem strange to you, but I'm still going to offer. Would you like to live here?"

"Why?" Is Kanaya's instant question.

"Because I don't want you to return to where you started. I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. If you decide to stay, I'll take excellent care of you. I have more money than I can even begin to imagine spending so you'll certainly get a fair amount of it. I understand if you'd rather go; this must seem terribly suspicious. I just thought I'd offer," Rose replied. "Think it over a bit." But Kanaya already had an answer.

"I'll stay," she said quietly. "I don't have anything to lose." Rose smiled. It was a genuine smile, not at all like the sadistic smirk of Kanaya's father. It was refreshing to see such an expression. It set Kanaya's mind at ease.

"Alright. Rest and regain a bit of strength. I'll make you some dinner and be right back." With another smile, the blonde left. Kanaya closed her eyes again, hoping she made the best choice.


	2. Chapter 2

_**NecroWrite: Thank readers.**_

**Thanks to everybody who's sticking around for a second chapter! I hope you all enjoy it! Please follow or favorite if you like it, lemme know what you think via review, and ask me questions over PM! I'm always happy to hear some reader feedback. ^.^**

_**NecroWrite: Continue story.**_

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After she awoke, it took about two hours for Kanaya to get acquainted with the layout of the house and settle into the guest room Rose had chosen for her. It was directly across the hall from Rose's own room, actually. The bathroom at the end of that hall was luxurious, notably featuring a large shower and a Jacuzzi bathtub. The rooms were on the highest of three floors, and because there was no attic the ceilings to the rooms on this floor were slanted to follow the roof above. Kanaya's room had a skylight on the ceiling and a door to a small porch that overlooked a lovely lake. There were no other houses in the immediate vicinity. The driveway was long and curved; the road, fairly distant, was hidden from view. The only sounds were those of the house itself and the forest surrounding it. It was an enchanting place, and Kanaya immediately fell in love with it. It was the exact opposite of her former dwelling. For the first time in her life, Kanaya felt like she was home.

As she was lying on the comfortable bed in the room she gladly called her own, eyes closed but sleep far from her mind, someone knocked on the closed door. That was something else Kanaya loved: privacy. She opened her eyes and sat up with a smile.

"Come in, Rose." The blonde entered and leaned back against the wall.

"Would you like to go shop for belongings?" she asked.

"Like what?" she responded with her own inquiry. Rose chuckled.

"You're in particular need of clothes so we'll take care of that first. Then we can go look for anything you'd like to personalize your bedroom with. Paint and new bedding, and probably some furniture and little decorations that you find yourself fond of. But first we're going to eat dinner. You must be starving. I want to treat you to something special tonight so I took the liberty of making my best dishes," Rose told her. "It'll be the first good meal you've had, I presume?" Kanaya nodded.

"I have gone to bed hungry nearly every night for as long as I can remember..."

"Then it's settled," Rose said with a smile. "We'll make this dinner a feast."

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly—" Kanaya began, standing as though the change in position would help her make her point.

"I've already made it so it's nonnegotiable. I've been working on it since I brought you here...I wanted to make you feel welcome in case you decided to stay." Kanaya blushed a bit at that. "I hope you like it; I made a lot and I don't throw food away so we'll be eating the leftovers for a while," Rose cautioned, her smile becoming a smirk.

"I'm sure I can handle that," Kanaya replied.

"What if I'm a lousy cook?" Rose asked in a playfully teasing tone.

"I've..." Kanaya blushed. "It's quite embarrassing to confess to, but many, if not most, of my meals came from...well..." With a sigh, she trailed off, marveling at how idiotic it had been of her to begin to say it in the first place.

"The trash?" Rose asked. Kanaya nodded. "That's not embarrassing. It's downright horrible that you were forced to do that just to get by. It reflects poorly on America as a whole, not on you. You don't have to be ashamed of your past. It's not your fault."

_But I do have to be ashamed..._ Kanaya thought. Sensory memories flashed in the forefront of her mind. Images of Porrim crying when she came home from a "customer" who had purchased her sexual services. Sounds of her parents shouting, one drunk and the other high, while Kanaya and Porrim lay in their bed, pressed together because of the size of the tiny cot they had to share, the lack of warmth from a broken thermostat and threadbare blankets, and the little bit of comfort they could give each other. Her mother, lying dead in the bathtub with a dazed smile and eyes that were glazed over. Indescribable pain as her father raped her and the agony of hearing it happen to her sister. The loneliness of lying in bed at night after Porrim vanished. Nightmares of finding Porrim in the bathtub like she had found her mother. Terror every time she smelled alcohol. Hitting her intoxicated father in self-defense and being brutally punished for it. The agony of receiving her bruises and scars. Crying herself to sleep at night without any comfort. Temptation to give in to illegal tendencies. Desire to just make it all end, the knife in her hand ready to do just that, and the saving fear of abandoning Porrim should she come back for her.

"Kanaya, are you alright?" Rose's concerned voice brought her back. She had come to stand right in front of her and was holding Kanaya's shoulders, her expression worried. Kanaya realized that tears were streaking her face and closed her eyes, unable to find the energy to rub them away. Rose took it upon herself to gently erase the streaks. The warm touch was a new feeling, but a very pleasant one. Rose stepped forward and pulled Kanaya close to her in a powerful hug: another new feeling. "Shh...it's okay. You're okay. I'm here." Kanaya expected her to pull back after a few seconds but she remained in the comforting embrace. Kanaya tried to hold back the sobs rising in her throat, stifling them. Her memory was horribly vivid, and the emotions were overflowing. "Don't hold back, Kanaya," Rose murmured. "Just let it out. It'll feel better that way, I promise." Too weak to keep her composure, the green-eyed woman broke down completely. Rose held her closer and Kanaya buried her face in her neck. She normally wouldn't do this but the gruesome thoughts were too powerful.

"I'm sorry," she said when she was finally able to speak.

"It's okay. You're just emotional right now. It's very understandable. I suspect you're just realizing that you're out of that hellhole. There are undoubtedly some memories you'd love to lose, and you have the chance now," Rose told her. Kanaya pulled back from the hug and smiled slightly.

"Thank you, Rose..."

"I'm always happy to help. Now come on; let's find something nice for you to wear. We're pretty similar physically so I'm sure you can wear some of my clothes." Kanaya stood and followed her across the hall. Rose shot her a kind smile and went to a door that was presumably her closet. She opened the door and stepped back. Kanaya looked inside and was instantly in awe. It was huge! She hadn't imagined a closet could be so large, even if it was a walk-in. Rose gestured to the doorway so Kanaya walked in, slowly making her way to the back, where the closet branched off to the sides in the shape of a T. Kanaya turned to look back at Rose.

"All of this...is yours?" she asked in awe. Rose came in and stood beside her.

"Not all of it, Kanaya. Some of it will be yours. You can go through it and take whatever you want. I only ask that you don't disturb any of the dresses at the end of that." She nodded to the left branch. "And don't argue," she added as Kanaya opened her mouth to protest. "As you can see, I have more clothes than I can ever wear, mostly thanks to some of the more influential people in my life. And if you don't pick enough I will stock your closet myself." So Kanaya sighed and smiled.

"You are truly stubborn," she teased lightly. Rose chuckled.

"It's a gift," the blonde replied, a lighthearted sparkle in her eyes. Kanaya laughed and Rose's expression brightened. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better," she said. "You need to laugh more and smile always. You have a pretty smile and I don't want you to go without sharing it." Kanaya blushed a bit. Rose seemed to realize what she had said. Her eyes widened slightly and she shifted awkwardly but continued. "Pick out something to wear for dinner, then come down to the dining room. I'll set everything out. After dinner we can go through this and put some clothes in your room, then maybe we can go out to shop for a bit. How does that sound?"

"It sounds lovely," Kanaya said with a smile.

"I'll give you some privacy." There was that idea again: privacy. It was a luxury Kanaya had never been able to have. Rose walked out of the closet and Kanaya heard her leave the room. She looked around and was overwhelmed for a moment but regained her senses and began scouring the racks for something to wear. It didn't take long for her to find something that struck her as particularly wonderful. She went back into the bedroom and saw an unopened package of panties and a bra that still had a tag on it on the bed. Kanaya was surprised to say the least but she still smiled at the kind gesture.

When she slipped out of her clothes, Kanaya felt horribly exposed and vulnerable. She quickly fumbled to open the package of panties and slid a pair on. They were foreign but not unpleasant. The bra took a bit of time because she had never seen one before and wasn't quite sure how it worked. When she managed to put it on correctly, the cups were a bit large but not uncomfortable. She pulled the dress on and looked at herself in the large three-sided mirror. The dress had short sleeves and a skirt that fell to her knees. It was black with a floral design of a great variety of warm colors and elegant shapes. Kanaya silently thanked the world that she had been allowed to use her father's razor to shave, even if he did abuse her with it. The thought turned bittersweet on that note and Kanaya decided to focus on the dress again. The neckline wasn't too low or too high, dipping into her collarbone in a graceful U shape. As she admired it, she realized that her face was strangely pale. She was worried for a moment and felt to see if she had a fever. Her skin was cool and soft, and suddenly she understood. The filth from her former home had been washed from her face, and even though she washed her face every day, it had never been so clean. She decided to chalk it up to the fact that the grime was actually gone and wasn't just lurking in the air waiting to settle on her skin again. She took a deep breath and descended to the dining room. Her eyes widened instantly. The long rectangular table that had enough space for probably sixteen seats, plus one at each end, was covered with appetizing dishes. The small table, which was round and sat four people, had only two large plates, two smaller plates, two bowls, two cloth napkins, two sets of silverware, two glasses full of ice and water, and two wineglasses, each directly across from the other. Rose was setting bottles of wine on the end of the long table. She looked up and smiled warmly.

"You look beautiful, Kanaya," she said.

"Thank you," Kanaya replied, suddenly feeling a bit shy. "You do as well." Rose was wearing a lovely orange dress with flowing elbow-length sleeves, a skirt that fell just past her knees, and a U-shaped neckline. On the chest of the dress was a light blue sun. The blonde walked over to Kanaya.

"Thank you." She placed her hand on Kanaya's back, right about in the middle of it, and led her to the small table. "Let's get some food. Would you like a glass of wine?" The word "wine" echoed in Kanaya's head.

"N-no," she replied. Rose frowned slightly, but her expression was worried instead of disapproving.

"Alright. Then go get some food, salad first. The bowl," the blonde said, picking up hers. Kanaya picked up her own and followed Rose to the longer table. "Here, this is all the salad and toppings." She gestured to the first section of food, then began to fill her bowl. Kanaya put some lettuce in hers, then added several toppings and followed Rose back to the table. When she sat down, she hesitated, glancing up at Rose, who smiled and gave a slight nod. Kanaya noticed that her wineglass was empty.

"Didn't you want wine?" she asked, confused. Rose hesitated.

"I, ah, didn't want any tonight," she replied.

_Then why did she set the glasses out? Unless...did she abstain because of me? No, no that's ridiculous. _She looked down at her salad and tentatively had a bite. It was absolutely delicious but she resisted the urge to wolf it down. When she was done, she looked up to find Rose watching her. The blonde smiled and stood, picking up her bowl and Kanaya's.

"Go have some food for your main course. Use the larger plate," she said before walking into the kitchen. Kanaya heard the water running and assumed Rose was washing the dishes. She stood and went to load her plate with a bit of every dish, then returned to the table and patiently waited for Rose. She didn't have to wait long; Rose walked back in soon. "You didn't start yet?"

"I decided to wait for you," Kanaya replied.

"You're very polite, especially considering where you used to live. It's a wonderful quality." She chose some food herself and sat down. Kanaya sampled all of the food. Some of the dishes tasted better than others but she still liked them all and ate everything on her plate. She wanted to talk to Rose but she was more focused on eating than on conversation. When she was done, she leaned back and sighed, content.

"Thank you, Rose," she said, drinking some of her water.

"If you liked that, you'll love dessert," Rose told her, standing with the larger plates. Kanaya stood as well.

"Let me help you."

"It's just washing dishes, Kanaya. I want you to enjoy your meal, especially since it's your first decent one. Go get some dessert." So Kanaya picked up her small plate and went to the far end of the table, where she filled her plate completely. When Rose sat down again with her own dessert, Kanaya started on her plate. She finished quickly and felt that, for perhaps the first time in her life, her stomach was full. In fact, she wasn't sure if eating another serving of something was a good idea. She didn't feel sick, just not hungry anymore.

"Thank you, Rose."

"I'm glad you liked it," the blonde replied, standing and taking the dessert plates. "You go upstairs and start sorting through my closet while I start putting all this food in containers for tomorrow. Don't argue," she added as Kanaya opened her mouth to protest. "It's your first night and I want you to go without any obligation to clean."

"Alright," Kanaya replied, going back upstairs. When Rose joined her, she had a fair-sized pile on the bed. All of the clothes were laid out neatly. The two women took some time to go through the closet and put the chosen clothes in Kanaya's own closet. It was past nine o'clock by the time they were done.

"Well it looks like we can't go shopping until tomorrow. Do you like to read?"

"Very much," Kanaya answered, smiling. "I couldn't find many books, but when I did I loved to lose myself in their worlds." The statement sounded odd and Kanaya expected Rose to laugh.

"I lose myself in them too," she said, and her response seemed quite genuine. "Come with me." Rose led her to the house's library, then went to a shelf, scanning it and pulling out a book. "Here. I think you'll like this one." She handed it to Kanaya, who smiled. "Go ahead up to your room and start; I'll finish putting the food away," she said. Kanaya smiled and headed upstairs, lying on her bed and opening the book. She was captured almost instantly and spent about an hour and a half reading it. She was quite disappointed when she was drawn from the story by a knock.

"Come in," she called. Rose walked in and leaned against the open doorway.

"I have something to show you."

"Alright." She marked her page, set the book aside, and followed Rose to the third floor office, which had a small porch not unlike the one in Kanaya's own room. Rose opened the door and stepped onto it, then turned and climbed up. Kanaya went out and looked up to see that Rose had ascended a ladder to the gently slanted roof. She followed her to the highest point, and when Rose lay down, Kanaya lay down beside her. Their eyes met for a moment, and Kanaya saw a delighted sparkle in the blonde's eyes.

"Look up, Kanaya," Rose told her softly. She did and was awed. The night sky was full of more stars than Kanaya could have ever imagined. Fireflies faded in and out of the view as well. Kanaya had never seen many stars, as her sky had always been polluted with ugly light and smog. She had never seen fireflies either.

"Oh...wow," she whispered in awe.

"Would you like to catch some?" Rose asked, sitting up and looking down at her.

"What?" Kanaya asked, unable to tear her gaze from the sky.

"The fireflies. I did it all the time when I was younger. Every summer night I'd go out with a jar and catch some fireflies, then I'd let them go every morning. It was one of my favorite things to do...and one of the few things my mother did with me," Rose explained. Kanaya looked at her and saw that she was staring into the past, a wistful smile gracing her lips but a sad glimmer in her eyes. Then the expression was chased away by embarrassment. "I know it's a bit juvenile but I just thought maybe...I guess I just thought..."

"It sounds lovely," Kanaya told her. Rose smiled and stood, then held out a hand. Kanaya took it and Rose helped her up. It surprised her when the blonde didn't let go but she didn't complain. Contact like this was nice. Since Porrim left the slum, she had only known pain to come from physical interaction. Feeling the gentle comfort Rose brought to her by small gestures like this made Kanaya feel like she belonged. She felt wanted more than she ever had before. The women went back inside and downstairs. Rose retrieved a jar from the kitchen and they left for the backyard. The lake was still and serene, reflecting the night sky. The moonlight and illumination from the house gave the grass and trees a soft glow. Kanaya looked at Rose.

"Go ahead, Kanaya," the blonde encouraged.

"But I don't want to hurt them..."

"You won't. Just be gentle with them."

"Will they be able to breathe? In the jar?" Kanaya asked worriedly. Rose smiled and showed her the lid, which had many small holes.

"I kept some of these for the memories. They'll be fine. If we catch any that is," Rose said, smiling. Kanaya smiled back and nodded.

After much fun and laughter, the jar had several fireflies in it. The women went back into the house and up to Kanaya's room. The green-eyed woman set the jar on the nightstand beside her bed and looked at Rose, wondering what to do now.

"Are you tired, Kanaya?" she asked.

"Very," Kanaya replied.

"I suppose we'll call it a day and go to bed, then." Rose smiled. Kanaya smiled back and Rose began to walk out.

"Rose?" She stopped and turned around. "...Thank you."

"You're welcome. Goodnight, Kanaya."

"Goodnight," Kanaya said with a smile. She changed into pajamas and slid under the blankets, pulling them up to her chin and rolling onto her side. The bed was larger than her old one and very comfortable, but she felt very alone. Then she looked at the jar of fireflies and relaxed, smiling as she closed her eyes.

_I'm not alone anymore._


End file.
